This is what it means to be held

how it feels when the sacred is torn from your life, and you survive.
this is what it is to be loved and to know that the promise was
when everything fell, we'd be held.
-Held-Natalie Grant
This has been my new years.
Well, My Cousin, Neal Averitte died on January 1. I wasn't close to him, but he was my First cousin,and died tragically at the age of 30 years old. It's been a tough time and hard loss on the family. There is not much harder in life than dealing with the wondering of where he is eternally, and if we will meet him again in heaven...or if Christmas was the last time we will/have seen/saw him. His funeral was Wednesday, and it was certainly not easy,to say the least. The youth service that night...it was tough,having to go back into that very chapel that held his urn and devastated family members and lead worship from the same stage, listen to a light hearted message about being a better Christian and "turning over a new leaf", when all i could think about was what happened previously in the week.
I love getting to see my family....but not on this account.
So please pray for my whole extended family, especially Neal's family.

My migraines are trying to come back. and i 1.cant financially afford that and 2.cannot mentally/physically afford that. I haven't said anything about it until this point, because i don't like to acknowledge them...but i have one now.and yesterday.and sunday afternoon. and saturday morning.... and so also, I am anemic, and that has been trying to mess with me lately, making me feel so weak and tired, and I am bruising like a banana,along with other things. I haven't up to getting myself to the gym since 2010, which is so very unlike me.(Hopefully I'll go tonight if this headache goes away.)
So please pray for that if you will. 

My grades for the 3rd six weeks are crap, but i did do alot better on the ACT in December : ) so that is good.

so I'm doing this 21 day fast with my church. I'm fasting meat...but honestly i haven't even craved it...so... idk bout all that. but  God is showing me nicely how he's like my best friend. all i need is a warmth in my life. a rejuvenation of joy.