Thursday, January 27, 2011

The good, the bad,and the scary.

O God, hold me now.
O Lord, hold me now.
There's no other man who could raise the dead.
So do what You can to annoint my head.
O God, where are you now?
O Lord, say somehow.
O God, hold me now.
O God touch me now.
There's no other man who could save the day.
There's no other god who could raise the dead.

So.... life is tough. I'm not gonna lie. It's taking all of God's strength within me not to just burst into tears all the time. I never thought i would ever do so poorly in school. I never thought i would ever be so interested into vocal pedagogy. I never thought i would be so distant from some friends, and I never thought i would be as close to some of the people I am now closest to. 
I never thought I'd be hesitant about college. or moving out.or moving countries.
I've never been one to retreat...but this is tougher than I ever anticipated. No, I'm still going to Sydney in July, but I am having SO much trouble dealing with The Australian Government and their visa agencies. just to vent a little, ITS SO STINKING STUPID!!! YES I AM 17 RIGHT NOW, BUT I WILL BE 18 WHEN I GET THERE, I PROMISE. stupid visas. stupid lack of money.
yeah these things cost $550. and i might lose all of that because the wrong date was on my CoE and because they didn't recognize the fact that i will be 18 when i arrive.
SO. right now, i may have to lose that money. and then order a visa once im 18...a little less than a month before i leave, and visas take 2-3 months.
So, right now im praying SO hard that i will be even able to get into the country at this point! and that i dont lose this money.

i need a job. so bad.I need God. so bad.

God, I know that you've called me to this, so I know you will bring me through this. Make my faith even stronger and my trust unwaivering. 

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