Tuesday, January 19, 2010


sometimes i like to curl in to a ball.

not really. well,yes really, but thats beside the point.

do you ever sometimes just feel like you have so many thoughts racing through your mind that you just want to go FLAPERSNGALEFITZERGAGERBLAHMAHANASHA!!!!!! Really loudly? i hope im not the only one. but the catch here,not much pressing is really on my mind. i hope i dont absorb my time thinking to deeply on frivolous thoughts, but i hope that im doing all this thinking or planning or considering for something and not in vain. that would....that would suck.
but then at the same time, i have a ton going on in my head that i think is important...
oh who am i kidding?or am i kidding at all? oh my gosh, i confuse even myself.

sometimes, i just want to be amazing.at something. at anything.i want to be genuinly superior at something. i really and truly do.
sometimes, i just want to know im great at anything. im done with being decent or good. can i be great at something?am i even known for being great at anything?
sometimes, i just want to know that i am captivating. not cute,pretty,nice, or interesting.adjectives as such are not quite fulfilling. i mean they are fine, but i truly desire to be captivating.i desire to be captivating from the inside out.
what do i think captivating is?lovely, pleasant demeanor that radiates. not only appearance speaking but in presence. something captivating is pure and breath taking. it has a light about it that is irresistable. it draws people to it.

is being captivating even an obtainable goal? is it possible for someone to possess even a few captivating qualities?
i hope so. my goal is to be captivating. pure and lovely.a joy. i learned just about last year that looking and acting like the world is over rated. for so long i tried to blend but still stand my ground. those two dont mix. i want to be known for something. i want to be known for being christ like, not just a christian(because that term has been nearly destoryed.has it not?) and Christ was truly captivating.


  1. Ah, I DO want to be captivating too.

  2. i loved this post.
    and let me tell you, i think you ARE captivating.
    when justin and i used to sit on the front row during cc worship, my eyes would just be drawn up to you. i cant explain it in any other way than you, your pure and lovely self, captivated me. for real.
    i so wish i was more like you when i was a little younger. i lived a very stupid and very worldly life when i was a teenager. and i surely regret it.
    now though, i long to be know for being different. not christian, bc as you said, everybody and his mom is a "christian". but i want to stand out in a way that others notice and want what i have.

    you are awesome.

    so glad you are blogging here now!